Dear Abby,

I am restless and longing for something new in my life. I am at a dead end at work and home life is chores and bills. What should I do?

How often have you asked for advice only to realize it did not help? I was pondering this issue and here are some thoughts on the issue. Think about when you give advice to others. Do you recommend risky exciting adventures? Probably not. You recommend something safe.

I have come to learn that most people don’t like change. Personal change can be risky and uncomfortable. If I make a big change in my life that might require my friends to question and reflect on what they are NOT doing. These feelings impact our advice and I have learned our advice has some basic logic tied to it.

Here is an example or a test to think about.

I have three paths to choose from: paths A, B and C. I ask my friends which path I should take.

Should I take path A?  Someone in the group says no!

Should I take path B?  Someone in the group says no!

Should I take path C?  Someone in the group says no!

See the problem?  The group answer is clear.  The most common answer is to do the “safe” thing: NOTHING!  Accept where you are and endure.

This most likely does not reflect their true feelings. They might secretly wish to hang-glide but if asked for advice they would suggest not doing it. If you have not thought about it, “no” is always a safe answer when asked for advice!

If you do the thing I said not to do and it goes badly: I told you so! You should have listened to me.

If you do it anyway and it works, you win and you are happy. I was wrong but you don’t hold it against me.

In both cases, I am ok telling you “no”.


The way out of this box canyon is you must choose what is best for you!  Listen to your heart! Your intuition, your gut, or your spirit will guide you. If you think about your decision and you feel energized it is guiding you in the right direction. You can be scared and probably will be. Scared is natural but it is not intuition. Change in new and different. Fear is not showing you the path ahead. Its function is only safety. It can only stop you.

Your path ahead is guided by you internal compass. Do what your heart tells you are activities that are good for you! It is your compass.

So gather information when you ask for advice. Others may have ideas you have not thought of. But the final decision is yours and your compass will tell you the direction to choose. Sit quietly and listen. Can you hear it?